Speed Racer (Blu-Ray)

Speed Racer (Blu-Ray)



In defence of the Wachowski brothers I have to point out it was their creative vision that gave us the Matrix. Even if it was also them who pissed on our initial amazement at a virtual world created by Robots, by making two sequels that barely qualify as watchable. So is their adaptation of Japanese Saturday morning cartoon Speed Racer the film to remind us how good they can be?

Anyone who's seen the trailers for this film has probably got a general grasp of the plot, because it's so thin they can easily fit it into the two minute advert. The story starts with a prologue about Speed racer (yes, that's the characters name) who dreams of nothing, but becoming a world class race car driver. Keep it simple, seems to be the motto.

As Speed grows into adulthood to become Emile Hirsch, he achieves his dream and soon becomes hot property for the Race Car industry. As they try to lure him with mega money contracts, he must decide whether or not to turn his back on his current Car manufacturer – His Dad (John Goodman).

In the short prologue we're shown that Speed's older brother (another great Race Car Driver) had to make the exact same choice and ended up going on to shame his family name and dying in crash.

Charged with a personal quest to restore honour to his family and bring down the corrupt corporations that influence the sport, Speed joins forces with the mysterious Racer X (Matthew Fox).
Together they show that money cannot beat raw talent. Just like Abramovich is proving at Chelsea.

To be blunt, if you were under any illusion that this film is worth the rental fee. You'd be wrong. This film is like a kaleidoscope of primary colours being shat into your eyes by a rainbow with diarrhoea. It assaults your retinas mercilessly. If you're an epilepsy sufferer, then this film will very likely kill you.

The flurry of fluorescent images hides the paper thin plot expertly. While you're shielding your eyes, you won't notice that the most entertaining character on the screen is a monkey in dungarees. You'll totally miss the obvious twist that racer X is, in fact, Speed's brother after some bloody implausible plastic surgery. No, the only memory of this film you'll be left with is the stinking big headache you're carrying around for days afterwards. (The Blu-Ray only makes matters worse).

We've moved so far from the safe, stable shores that were the original Matrix, that it's hard to conceive the Wachowski's could ever have been responsible for it. Joined with the Matrix sequels, this tripe might be the last nail in their career's coffin.

Verdict 2/10
The Wachowski brothers should do the honourable thing and take their names off the original Matrix.